I decided a while ago that I wanted to be “cute”.
The change was gradual.
I gave myself habits to stick to that wouldn’t be not-cute.
My sneeze, once loud, is now quiet and sounds like a kitten.
My voice is now a bit higher.
My handwriting is rounder and cute.
My hair is cut with bangs and long.
My makeup makes my eyes look bigger, cheeks rounded, lips smaller.
My clothes became more frilly and doll-like.
My passion for salt turned to passion for sweets.
I found myself with people treating me like I was a small, beloved pet.
I heard compliments of my cuteness.
Haven’t I achieved my goal?
Despite all this,
I still come home and cry
And that’s not cute at all.
I've been thinking about this a lot, and I finally found some words for it. I really like the cute aspect of the world and wanted to be in it. I'm not naturally super adorable so I had to change a bit about myself. I know that you're not supposed to change yourself for others (and I wasn't), I was changing it for me; I wanted to be a better person. A person that I could be proud of. But I'm still finding myself looking at myself in a warped mirror and it makes me sad. At least I know this. This is not supposed to be a pity-party. I felt that I wanted to get this off my chest.
Please no mean comments and no using, copying, referencing or quoting without my permission.
[I might write/animate something to go along with this, but right now this is all I need.]